Honoring the 42 Day Postpartum Nest

What is the “Nest”?

It’s the 42 day “laying in” period immediately following birth where the new mother does nothing but love her baby and herself. She receives food from others, she basks in the sacred space that naturally follows a birth, while others tend to her needs as well as the needs of her household.

Traditionally and historically, this practice has been adhered to as part of the birth experience, but for some reason, we don’t practice it anymore in our culture and I’m beginning to wonder what effects we’re experiencing, like postpartum depression, that we don’t realize are results of this oversight.

We all agree that the postpartum time is HARD for EVERYONE. We all agree that the new mom needs endless amounts of support – emotionally and physically. And yet, this nesting period still fails to receive the type of attention it deserves.

After giving birth 6 times and seeing the experiences of other birthing women that I had worked with over the years, as well as being familiar with the work of Birthkeepers such as Sarah Buckley and Robin Lim who had written about this subject, I began to really consider the possibility of creating a 42 day nesting time for myself and my baby when I discovered I was pregnant with my 7th child.

A few months into my pregnancy, I made the decision to go for it and began intuitively and practically preparing for what would be my first ever Nest experience.

To this day, and even from the very first to the last of the 42 days, it’s one of the things that I am most grateful for in my life.

It changed me and my perception of what birth and the beginning of a new life is. While living it, I realized how profound this experience was, and began taking notes about it, in real time. When it was over, I began researching as much as I could about it. I was literally in awe over what I had just experienced and felt compelled to share it with everyone as best as I could.

Here are some of the things I’ve learned:

With the advances in technology – we now have never before known data on how an infant’s brain and emotional intelligence is formed from the beginning of its life. In a nutshell, during the prenatal time, the birth experience and the first few months of life, there is extreme “plasticity” of the brain. The neural connections are just beginning to happen and are firing at a phenomenal rate – a constant explosion of brain activity never matched again in life (these trillions of connections exceed those that you and I adults have, and will subside connecting at around 3 years old – after that, the existing connections are either strengthened or pruned away).

These neural connections form the beginning of how this baby will think and feel about life, the world, and itself. During some of these times, there are also “windows” of opportunity that will never be open again after they close.

For example, if a baby is born with congenital cataracts, successful surgery allowing the baby to see clearly can be done effectively only if performed before 3 months old. After this window closes, the chances of that person being able to see following the same surgery, decrease significantly (surgeons will not even perform the procedure after 3 months of age).

This makes me wonder what other things in the brain are similarly vulnerable and then so cemented at such early ages.

The cataracts issue is easily measurable, but what about things that are not so easy to measure – such as the ability to love at a certain level, or the amount of trust that person will be capable of in their life. It is extremely possible that many of these foundational building blocks that are essential for a healthy fulfilling life, are formed during this sensitive time. It just makes sense.

The first experiences a person has, shape who that person will be. The epic question of “Nature or Nurture?” has now been answered fairly well through what we know of Epigenetics. Basically, it’s a combination of both. Within that framework, we know that these first experiences and environment have a significant impact on shaping a person’s brain wiring. Scientifically speaking anyway (for more great information on “Primal Health”, visit Dr. Michel Odent’s website WombEcology where he explores the lifelong impact of early fetal life experience).

Throughout history, most cultures have recognized the importance of the Nest, where an honoring of a 42 day “laying in” time seems to have been the norm.

The women within bands, tribes or villages would tend to and care for the new mother by feeding her good healing foods, massaging her daily, taking care of her household needs and sometimes, conducting public ceremonies that introduce “motherbaby” back into the group for the first time after this Nest time is over.

In many cultures now, these practices still happen. Some countries have even instituted within their government systems, a fully supported postpartum care time both physically and financially. Within the systems that this policy is in place for, sometimes for up to 3 years time, it’s not surprising that they have an economic superiority over the rest of the world, as well as an overall superiority within their infrastructure (quality education and social programs, lower mortality rates, etc.). Rainne Eisler writes about this in “The Real Wealth of Nations” – where she discusses the many benefits of instituting a “Caring Economics”.

The experiences a person has at the beginning of their life are critical in the development of that person, and on a mass scale, we need to realize that these experiences have a significant impact on a society. It’s important. To everyone. For the future…

What I found for myself as a mother during my nesting time, was such a huge loving space that seemed endless. I was able to really process the previous 9 months. I was able to assimilate the whole experience of labor and birth, of my changing body and my changing life.

At the end of it, I felt very prepared for my responsibility as Zara’s mother – and when the Nest time was over, I felt ready to “get out” into life again. Even after going back to regular life, I kept my Nest intact for as long as I could, loving that I had a safe, comfortable space for me and my baby anytime I wanted to go back to it.

I felt for the first time after all of my other births, that I had fully completed the birth process.

I never understood why I had felt so “empty” and vulnerable during the first few weeks postpartum all the other times I had given birth. It all makes sense to me now!

It also makes sense that a happy mother equals a happy baby – and what better way to have a happy mother than to give her a large block of time to do nothing but enjoy her baby and gently adapt into her new mother role. I saw the phrase “honoring confinement rituals” recently and love how this phrase conveys the spirit of this special time as it truly is a ritual, a rite of passage.

It can also be an important and healing answer to the loss that so many women feel following a c-section or a birth that didn’t go according to the birth plan.

Unlike the birth experience itself, a mother has total control over the creation of and the time spent in the Nest. If these mothers had the Nest to retreat into, it would be significant in helping them process their experience – not to mention giving them the recovery time they really need. Breastfeeding gets the very best start too and we all know how important that is.

By bringing back the Nest – we give the best to mother and baby.

Mother is honored, respected and revered in a very real practical way. Baby is respectfully welcomed and given the best possible start in its life within a safe loving Nest that optimally follows a safe, peaceful and empowering pregnancy and birth.

Just because this practice has been lost somewhere through time (maybe when birth started moving into the hospitals?), that doesn’t mean that we can’t or shouldn’t still respect this time as much as we can.

In fact, for all the same reasons so many of us Birthkeepers have committed our life’s work to birth issues – the Nest time deserves the same attention. It’s been the “missing link”, I believe, and it’s time we start instituting it within our maternity care work.

We’ve had a tendency to separate prenatal care, birth and postpartum as different events and I’d like to offer that we begin to move towards a place of CONTINUITY of care where we treat the whole process as one event. Including a 42 day standard postpartum Nest time.

I can see many people blowing this off as impossible in our modern culture. Yet when we begin to see the gravity of the implications that honoring this practice holds, as in an optimal early life developmental experience which the baby will benefit for the rest of its life as well as a potential way to mitigate postpartum depression – well, then it becomes IMPORTANT. And when something is important enough, there’s always a way.

Now is a perfect time for all of us to begin to create a dialog about how we can creatively and realistically start instituting the 42 day Nest as a normal, accepted practice.

By honoring the Nest, we are giving our future a strong advantage in feeling secure and loved, which, compounded may very well be the thing that will shift humanity into a true civilized state where all living things are treated equally and with respect, ushering in the evolution of our species that we have all been waiting for.

(Link here to how I created my Nest as a single mother)