On the Front Lines of Courage

December, 2016

I just finished a relationship of over a year with a beautiful man. It hurts, I cry all the time, but as nice as it was to have that feeling of being loved by a someone - the fun times, the safety and the security that came with it – it’s come to an end…

I'm no longer in it - but I am still a mother.

Raising a child, or children on my own has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. And one thing I’m learning now is how the difficulty level dramatically increases when sad things happen in our lives.

Right now, my 6 year old daughter depends on me – only me – for almost everything still, including “explanations” of the sad things. It’s so hard to know what to say, what not to say, or what to do during this time. I keep telling myself that kids learn mostly from example and not so much what we try to “tell” or “teach” them. So I've found that to be a good starting point.

For sure, she will experience some type of heartbreak during her lifetime, and by default, she’s learning from me how to deal with it. I'm not sure if it's the right, or best way, but for now, I have decided to be honest with her, with my words and my actions. So, I cry, a lot. She lays next to me, or on my lap and asks me why I’m crying. And I just simply tell her why and hold her tight. I still make dinner (usually), and take care of her like I do all the time – continuing with the necessities of life – but I’m allowing myself to be sad and to go through this difficult time. I try to stay as connected to her as possible while still being honest with myself and with her.

I’ve also realized that honesty is the most important thing to me in any relationship. I think mostly because of the inherent properties of it that give birth to trust. The more I go through my life – the more I realize that this is a basic human need – to have people to truly trust in your life. I’ve needed that more than I’ve needed to eat sometimes.

So as I continue to feel the pain of the breakup – I rest in the fact that I’m being true to myself - honest with myself, that it HURTS. And that’s ok. I’m not resisting it. As a good friend told me recently – “the only way past it is through it”. And it takes a lot of courage to go through difficult times.

As I’m honest with myself and others, I find a renewed trust in the most important person in my life – me. I am trusting myself more and more the deeper I rest in the truth.

I also see that there are a lot of people going through break ups recently. From the ones that I know of, it seems that the women are initiating them more often than the men and I’m convinced that the awakening that the women are experiencing right now in this time of history is the catalyst for these big changes.

Not only are we not settling for less than what we want or feel that we deserve, but we’re risking losing that safety and security that comes with being in a relationship. We will take the loneliness and insecurity instead of IT, we’ll take the sometimes devastating financial hits instead of IT. We’re willing to work 10 times harder to survive, to take care of our children and ourselves over “settling” for IT anymore.

We are doing this for ourselves, but I’d like to propose that we are doing this for our children as well. Showing them with our life choices that it’s worth it to be TRUE to ourselves and by moving forward through the fear, sadness, desperation and sometimes brutal retaliation – is our highest calling as mothers and people right now.

I believe that we’re doing something BIG. And that we are the bridge between how women needed to be before (I think of my grandmother who suffered through a 60 year abusive marriage) – and how that is changing – with US – RIGHT NOW. We’re making substantial shifts in the world with our courageous choices.

As I tell the mothers that I work with during labor and birth. YOU ARE DOING IT. RIGHT NOW. And…YOU’RE AMAZING.

I say this to myself today as I look over the beautiful peaceful river from my jungle home in the Caribbean coast of Costa Rica – the Cocles River – a vein of our mother earth and it comforts me saying – be still – be real – keep flowing…

So along with the wisdom of the river, I’m sending love to all those who are being courageous right now, albeit sad and scared. Keep moving – keep flowing – the ocean of love and trust for yourself is very close – just like the ocean is here for the river just 100 meters away – awaiting your arrival home.